Written by Sam Marx
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 25 March 2013

Long Island, NY - " I have to admit it, I've always been a fan of Kevin Youkilis", remarked a disgusting, blood-sucking fan of the New York Yankees.

Steve Wilmer, a 34-year-old tax attorney and blood sucking leech of a person, divulged the information to longtime friend Eric Katz after the former Boston Red Sox third basemen went 2 for 4 with 2 home runs and 4 RBI's in the Yankees spring training victory over the Tampa Bay Rays.

"I know there's the whole Red Sox thing, and we always gave him a hard time, but I've always had a degree of respect for the way he plays the game", said Wilmer, who notoriously sports an ironic 'Buck Foston' shirt and has been known to methodically suck the life out of others for his own sustenance.

"If he works hard and plays well, that's all that really matters here in New York, this rivalry is a bit overhyped sometimes, you know", continued the long time Yankee fan, who spent a weekend of 1999 in jail for attaching himself to roger Clemens' thigh with a combination of mucus and suction, then attempting to slowly drink the Cy Young winners blood.

Katz, a former roommate of the grotesque, leech-like Bronx Bomber fan, told reporters than on numerous occasions he would awake to find that Wilmer had dug his razor sharp teeth into his forearm and drained his blood for a few minutes before releasing himself and falling to the floor to digest.

As of press time, Wilmer was reportedly touting Youkilis's ability to get on base throughout his career, while simultaneously secreting a numbing anesthetic onto his new host, neighbor Ethan Davis, and sinking his anterior suckers into the man for another feeding.

Make Sam Marx's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 5?

2 7 20 17

Go to top