BOSTON- Flat feet have become an epidemic in Boston. Top medical experts in Boston have discovered a link in the rash of foot injuries in the town's sports figures.
For months the news has been disheartening. David Ortiz, DH and superstar of the Red Sox, has been suffering from terminal plantar fascitis, or some other unknown tropic foot in mouth disease.
As a result, for months Boston sports fans have followed the travails of Ortiz, but never suspected he was the Typhoid Mary of the Boston sports world.
It appears that the Ortiz heel condition is contagious. One podiatrist postulated that Big Papi slipped on a banana peel as a child, which has started this chain reaction.
Bostonians understood and expected the most susceptible member of the Red Sox was bound to come down with a copycat version. And, sure enough, over the weekend, Jacoby Ellsbury developed" jammed heel," according to Red Sox manager John Farrell.
After shattered ribs and collapsed shoulders, Ellsbury was doomed to come down with a foot disease.
Permutations of the Ortiz ball and heel problems immediately spread to one of his closest friends on the Boston sports scene. After having a number of maladies this week, Kevin Garnett of the Boston Celtics has discovered his foot hurts too.
MRI and sundry tests will ensue.
Of course, when teammate Courtney Lee expressed pain in the ankle, he gave the Celtics a bad case of twisted nerve. The team has gone on to lose four in a row without being able to run up and down the court. They are no longer considered footloose and fancy free.
Some fear that this condition may also hit the Bruins and Patriots.
Some wags believe that Coach Bill Belichick sent Wes Welker packing after he remembered the foot fetish jokes that the slot receiver spoke about Rex Ryan two seasons ago.
Feats of clay now dominate the Boston sports scene.