Written by Ossurworld
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Saturday, 16 March 2013

FOXBORO, MA--- For those whose home has foreclosed and whose stock market investments have plummeted over a decade, the worst investment news came this week.

Your clothing is now trash.

You may be wearing a jersey that makes you a laughstock and a hat that is anachronistic. Fortunately, your underwear remains top drawer.

Wes Welker apparel at the local shopping mall's sports shop has gone from designer chic to remainder table and seconds rack.

If you wear the even-more popular "Welkah!" hat that played on the New England accent, you may be hard-pressed to hear the name in the Rocky Mountain high crowd. Worse yet, wearing "Welkah" on your back makes you a target of Peyton Manning's fans.

Thousands of young fans are now relegating their Welker jersey to the attic of memories, as fashion sense dictates that they find a larger size shirt to fit both their growing body and the name "Amendolah," which only vaguely rhymes with Welkah.

We can only pray that Amendola does not go on the dole.

Pint-sized fans that prefer the cut-off look also found their Welker shirts priced down. The only value lower this week is that Woodhead helmet you always prized for its midget apparel appeal.


Earlier in the winter, fans of Boston sports breathed a sigh of relief when their Kevin Garnett jersey #5 was not rendered extinct by KG waiving his no-trade clause.

But at the rate Boston players are leaving town, many fashionistas could be naked by summer.

Remember, sports fans, no matter how bad your fashion sense has become, it could have been worse. You could have had your custom-made Welker/Danny Woodhead/Patrick Chung Patriots gear in pink.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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