Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 11 March 2013

image for NASCAR's Danica Patrick Finishes in 33rd Place
Danica has said that her favorite race track is The Gary Busey International Speedway in Tarzana, California.

LAS VEGAS - So far 2013, has not been a very good year for NASCAR'S premier female race car driver, Danica Patrick.

The 30-year-old has seen an end to her marriage due to the dreaded seven year itch.

Plus she has been romantically linked to Dancing With The Stars dancer Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough, whom she said was merely helping her cope with her divorce by teaching her the Samba, the Mambo, and the Argentine Tango.

Danica was then spotted at The La Brea Tar Pits in a sensuous cuddle with Katy Perry's ex-husband Russell "Sniffles" Brand.

A close inside source has informed Sports Territory Magazine that he truly believes that all of this extracurricular off-the-track merriment is not helping Patrick's racing game.

He said that proof of that is her 33rd place finish at The Kobalt Tools 400 at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway.

The unnamed source added that the Sprint Cup Series Driver is also spending way too much time at hair salons, manicure spas, and the make up departments of several retail stores.

When Danica was asked by Hercules Confetti, with Sporting Chance Magazine about her off-the-track exploits she threw back her long expanse of hair and replied that what she does away from the oval race track has nothing whatsoever to do with what she does when she is driving in circles in her #10 car.

SIDENOTE: Reports are that President Obama and Vice-President Biden, in an effort to cheer Danica up, have invited her to the White House for an old-fashioned, southern style backyard barbecue.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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