Written by Ossurworld
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Tuesday, 5 March 2013

Sequestration seems to be a fancy way of talking about an NFL franchise tag.

With official government sources running about like the proverbial headless chicken, New England Patriots seem overwhelmed by the high price of tagging. For the first time since 2008, Bill Belichick and his crafty bosses will not spend one red cent on a franchise player.

Apparently it is cheaper to hand out contracts by the dozen than to give one contract at the high end.

The Patriots are enforcing budget cuts after a stalemate between the two parties-Welker and Belichick.

The latest round of confrontation and filibuster started with Tom Brady making a public declaration of coupon clipping and collecting cash back on his every purchase his wife Giselle makes. He will use this money in lieu of salary.

If you were waiting for Bob Kraft to cry out, "Tag! You're it," and chasing Wes Welker around Gillette Stadium, you were shown to the exits by Patriot ushers. In a couple of weeks Welker may be a free agent, able to walk down the aisle with more moolah.

Of course, at Foxboro's stadium there is no free lunch-or free anything. The last freeloader around these parts was Chad Ochocinco-and he was not worthy of a franchise pricetag.

Reports now circulate that Welker is in no hurry to re-up with the Patriots, as he feels "mild disdain" for the organization that played with his mind and his stats to punish him for Rex Ryan foot jokes and for refusing to take a short-term contract.

The Patriots and the owners never realize it is a two-way street. Then again, if you own the street, you can go any way you want. Wes may now take his long-anticipated detour to avoid the sequestration.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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