Written by IainB
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Monday, 4 March 2013

image for Gloucester City to play in fans' back gardens
"Over here, on me head. If you can get it past the hydrangea!"

Conference North mid-table team, Gloucester City, have discovered that as from next season, they will be homeless, after selling the ground they have played in for the past one hundred a twenty years, and owing their current landlords forty-thousand pounds.

"We ran into a spot of debt," said Gloucester City owner, Giles Farmer. "We sold the ground to fund the new stadium, as the old one was falling down."

Due to a small delay due to planning problems, Gloucester City realised that they should have got planning permission before selling the ground.

"There was a small delay," said Farmer. "About fifteen years to be precise. For the first couple of years, we held on to the cash. Then, erm, we kind of spent it."

Having worked their way through quarter of million pounds, Gloucester are now looking at a slight problem.

"We've been sharing with Cheltenham for a couple of seasons," said Farmer. "I can't actually remember paying them."

Cheltenham Town have asked for the rent, or will evict them.

This now leaves Gloucester City without a ground, or any money.

"We spent all the money on players," said Farmer. "Not very good ones as it turns out. Apparently, there's no returns on footballers. Who knew? Once you buy them, you have to keep them. Though I did put a few in a sack in the canal."

The hunt is now on for a venue, and Farmer is turning to the beleaguered fans.

"We're asking if anybody has a back garden we could play in," asked Farmer. "All we need is a bit of grass. We can bring our own nets. Well, technically, they're Cheltenham's - but they won't miss them. It'd be handy if we could use the living room to change in, and the dinging room for the away team. Oh, and if the pies could be made in the oven, that'd be bliss."

Other officials of the club have also tagged on additional criteria such as enough room for the team buses, and neighbours who won't keep the ball if it goes in their garden.

Several fans have stepped forward, but all have stated that they will be closing the curtains.

"Have you seen how crap this lot are?" asked one fan. "I can't be watching that, even if it is in my back-garden."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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