St. Louis - Matt Holiday of the Cardinals announced today that the Cardinals have picked Satan to be the new Pope. While there are no good Catholics on the team, many are well versed in the ways of the Vatican.
"We feel Satan best represents the true Catholic Church in this modern world. There is no one man that can truly stand for all the corruption of every flavor to be found in the Vatican. That is why our team held a special meeting to pick the new Pope", Holiday explained.
Former Pope Benedict, now a practicing nudist and Boy Scout leader, could not be reached for comment. He is expected to give full support to the new Pope.