Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 22 February 2013

image for The New England Patriots May Pass On Wes Welker
Wes Welker has promised Pats Coach Bill Billichick that he is going to practice not dropping the ball during the off-season.

FOXBOROUGH, Massachusetts - New England Patriots slot receiver Wes Welker is a free agent and Pats fans are divided on whether the team owners should let him go or try and resign him.

Should Welker stay he will be paid $11.4 million for the 2013 season.

A spokesperson for the Patriots team, Mallory F. Mustardworth, 61, told the sports media that the decision hinges on several issues on the positive side and several issues on the negative side.

Mustardworth said that three facts on the plus side are (1) Welker can still catch the ball, most of the time, (2) He is not prone to injuries and (3) He is quarterback Tom Brady's favorite target.

He then noted three facts on the minus side are (1) Welker is quite short, (2) He is starting to drop a lot of catchable passes and (3) He has a wife who has a tendency of putting her foot in her mouth when she opens it.

A long time Patriots fan identified as Brandy Fifi Appleyard, 59, of Cape Cod, said that she wants the team to keep Welker and she doesn't care if he's as short as Danny DeVito just as long as he stops dropping passes that are right on the money.

Ms. Appleyard also noted that as far as Wes's smart-alecky wife Ann goes, all that the team owners need to do is tell her in no uncertain terms that she had better keep her bitter, disparaging comments and her sarcastically offensive remarks to herself.

In Other News. February is National Marijuana Awareness Month except in Colorado and Washington where the residents of those two states are already aware as hell of everything regarding pot.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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