Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 21 February 2013

image for 'Well it f+++ing well wasn't me, mate!' insists Arsenal FC's Thomas Vermaelen
Ok, which one of you orrible lot done it, eh?

London - "Me neither," said a disgusted Theo Walcott as news of the filthy slur went viral.

Within minutes the rebuttal spread to Arsenal goalie Wojciech Szczesny who too rejected the "shi++y bit of crap".

Next Lukas Podolski and Jack Wilshere joined in the outcry, scorning the sordid suggestion it could be one of them.

As did team mates Bacary Sagna and Per Mertesacker - both with an emphatic "f+++ing libellous bollocks, mate."

Ditto Laurent Koscielny, Tomáš Rosický, Mikel Arteta, Abou Diaby and French striker Olivier Giroud.

So whatever got these fine North London sportsmen foaming at the mouth this afternoon?

Step forward ex-Barnet Council mayor and Tory ex-chair of the London Fire and Emergency Planning Authority Brian Coleman, who stunned his Farcebook audience today with a post that read 'I Slept With Arsenal Striker!'

Arsene Wenger didn't do it either.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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