Written by Ossurworld
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Thursday, 21 February 2013

Fans have suffered exquisite torture at the hands of the Celtics GM Danny Ainge.

Of course, even the horrors of the Auto de fe or the Inquisition required more than just the Grand Inquisitor.

The Boston media has provided more chills than Joan of Arc suffered her execution. Through endless, daily, and constant reports of rumors and rumors of rumors, the Boston press has caused the sadism of torture to reach new heights-or depths, depending on your pain threshold.

Off and on, like a retirement party for Michael Jordan, the stars of the Celtics have been traded to a variety of teams for a variety of players for two weeks. There is nary a scintilla of evidence to support any report.

Kevin Garnett was being sent to the LA Clippers for a kind way out of the glue factory in Boston. The only problem was that Garnett was not cooperative, constantly throwing cold water on the hottest rumor.

Paul Pierce was being sent wherever it would anger KG enough to accept a trade. Pierce looked like he was heading from Atlanta to Oklahoma and beyond to a Carnaval cruise trip if the press could arrange it.

And, the injured and maimed, Rajon Rondo, was going to Showtime in exchange for the uncooperative and unsigned Dwight Howard, in an exchange of migraines.

The only problem with the reportage is that the hours of reportage only swelled with its own grandiose reportage. Without a vestige of truth or grounding in fact, the wildfires spread to engulf the fans that believed them.

Put through their paces, fans with any sensitivity were numb by deadline's approach. Trade anyone and everyone at this point.

Like the town around Chicken Little, Boston's Celtics fans are now hearing the cry of "Wolf" and "The sky is falling" ad nauseum.

As Old King Midas finally responded in dismay, "Uncle! Uncle! And Uncle once more with feeling."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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