Written by Theodore Gorbachav
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Friday, 15 February 2013

image for Tiger Woods Fakes Illness to Buy Discounted Valentine's Day Gifts For Girlfriends

JUPITER ISLAND - The last three years on Valentine's Day, Tiger Woods has not felt well. Or, at least, that's what he has told his girlfriends.

"I've got about 13 different women I have to buy for. You know what kind of deals you can get if you wait to buy your gifts until February 15th? We're talking chocolate strawberries for $0.50 a pop, and leftover rose bouquets for under three bucks," an exuberant Woods told the AP on Friday.

The 37-year old professional golfer reasoned that his beloved girlfriends and "women on the side" end up getting more Valentine's Day gifts than the majority of their friends and co-workers, albeit with the slight delay. "Way I see it, 'a little white lie never hurt anybody.' I believe it was Gandhi who first said that."

When asked by one reporter whether Woods was concerned his Valentines would read this article, he chuckled and responded, "Them, read? That's a good one."

Woods cited raising prices in golf carts, economic uncertainty in Greece, and the latest State of the Union speech by President Obama as indicators that he will keep the tradition alive for next year, and many years to come.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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