Written by Ossurworld
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Topics: Red Sox

Monday, 11 February 2013

Red Sox so far this season have been struck by lightning.

As Jacoby Ellsbury and Dustin Pedroia flew into Fort Myers for their training time, the plane carrying them was struck by lightning. No one was hurt, but a good scare was had by all.

What else can we expect this spring from the Bosox?

The team has yet to prove that it is snake-bitten. Last season the snakes came out of the tall grass on a regular basis to bite players, fans, and owners alike. We recommend that the field at Fenway South be mowed often.

The ownership has suffered ever since former manager Terry Francona looked daggers at his former bosses and wrote a tell-all to guarantee their roasting in media hell.

There is nothing quite so sharp as a serpent's tooth and it is painful to pull the fangs out of your wide posterior as you run the bases, as David Ortiz discovered.

Jon Lester must make more of an effort this spring training to avoid stepping on a crack, or the first-base line as he walks from the mound every inning.

The seven years of bad luck from John Lackey may be continuing since he broke that mirror several seasons ago.

Jacoby Ellsbury and Jose Iglesias must take care next time he tosses a pink hat onto his hotel bed while on the road.

Dustin Pedroia's thumbs have been suspect ever since he picked up a penny that was face down at second base in Fenway Park last year. He must avoid finding loose change on the field in Fort Myers.

As long as John Farrell does not open an umbrella in clubhouse, matters should be calm. Both Valentine and Francona always kept their umbrellas open after a downpour caught them at Fenway.

Since pond scum invariably rises to the top, optimists may feel confident about the Red Sox this season.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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