Written by Ossurworld
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Topics: Red Sox

Sunday, 10 February 2013

The scandal in France about tainted burgers and lasagna may have spread to Boston's vaunted leaders in the horse race sweepstakes formerly known as baseball.

Some fans are accusing the Sox of using imitation meat in the batting order. In a press release offered to vegans, the team has promised a horse of a different color this season.

Whether this means another merry-go-round of wooden horses or the lost steed of Richard III only 162 games will show.

On the Red Sox behalf, defenders assert that the Sox have used cold cuts for years instead of prime beef.

Once again the Red Sox are presenting a lineup short on beef, but claiming that the processed meat will taste just like the real thing.

Fans may whinny, but umpires will moo over the tainted beef as they call many turkeys out at the plate.

Whether fans must face the unpleasant sight of chopped liver again in the cleanup spot may be on the shoulders of workhorse David Ortiz.

GM Ben Cherington did his best this off-season to find hamburger helper to stretch the singles to inside-the-park homers. He may have unwittingly bought the fake meatstuff to sell to fans.

Owner Tom Werner asked for beefcake and may have to settle for loin cakes like Jacoby Ellsbury.

Bleacherites insist that no pasta is complete without a few meatballs like John Lackey.

We await spring training as an indicator of whether the Sox will produce duck soup or horse feathers.

And, we have not even started to investigate the Fenway hotdogs.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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