Written by Ossurworld
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Friday, 1 February 2013

The NBA has decided that Jared Sullinger of the Celtics is not a rookie phenomenon. He plays the role of center, which the NBA Commissioner David Stern fails to recognize.

Stern passed him by in selecting the All-Rookie team to play at the All-Star weekend. All-Star Kevin Garnett believes the Stern is the guilty shooter on the grassy knoll.

The NBA assassin managed to keep Sullinger as one of the best-kept secrets of the season and of the Celtics from a flash of fame.

Like Larry Bird, Sullinger comes to win, not to play in silly exhibitions. And like Larry Bird, Jared Sullinger has been plagued by back spasms. We can only hope they will not grow more problematic as they did for Bird.

Snubbing has its advantages as a motivator. Sullinger has already proven himself motivated as he managed to crack the Celtics starting lineup as a rookie under Doc Rivers, a near impossible feat.

If you want to know why Jared has been ignored and cast into ignominy, it's related to the scoring stat. Yes, if you defend and rebound, you will not be considered part of NBA's first-tier.

Fans will ask: where are the dunks? Where are the court-long dribbling displays, blowing past giants to shoot from odd angles?

Sullinger will not compete on that level. Doc Rivers know the Celtics have stolen a top-five draft player at #21. He may not want to say that too loudly and embarrass his fellow head coaches.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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