Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 21 January 2013

image for The Ravens Manhandle The Patriots 28-13
Gisele Bundchen figures that the Patriots loss will end up costing her millions of dollars in modeling assignments.

FOXBORO, Massachusetts - Rufus Reno with Sports Balls Illustrated Daily stated that the way the Ravens crushed the Patriots, 28-13, the team from Clam Chowder Country looked more like Cub Scouts than Patriots.

The birds from Baltimore flew into the home of the Pats and gave them a lesson in the art of playing football with their hearts, bodies, minds, and souls instead of with their mouths and chalkboards.

Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco played like Joe Montana whereas Tom Brady played more like Mike Brady of the old TV sit-com The Brady Bunch.

Baltimore having won the American Football Conference Championship Game will now advance to play the San Francisco 49ers in Super Bowl XLVII, down in the Big Easy (New Orleans) on the third of February.

Reno reported that after the game about 600 Pats fans showed up at the various ticket booths demanding their money back.

One devoted Patriots fans, who said his name was Antonio "Kicks" Kickalini, 67, stated that he would have been better off taking the money and buying beer, beans, bagels, baloney, and broccoli.

Towards the fourth quarter when the game was pretty much lost, Brady sat on the bench with that faraway puzzled look on his face just like Roy Rogers had that time back in the 60s when he misplaced his palomino horse Trigger.

Several fans actually reported seeing the black paint underneath Tom's eyes start to run due to the tears that began to flow.

Brady replied that the fans were mistaken and that the black paint was running because of his sweat.

Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis heard about Tom's tears and offered to send over a Ravens towel.

One Ravens fan up in the stands stated that Tom's wife, Brazilian eyeliner model Gisele Bundchen was overheard saying towards the game's final minutes that she is really going to tear into Tommy when he gets home.

SIDENOTE: Bedroom Pillow Talk is reporting that Bundchen confided to her pedicurist that she is seriously considering divorcing her husband since he just can't seem to get up for the games that really count.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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