Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 17 January 2013

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The United States Congress will decide what sanctions, if any, should be taken against Coach Mike Shanahan.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Many saw it coming and it has certainly arrived. The United States Congress has just informed the Washington Redskins organization that it will be conducting a full scale investigation into Redskins Coach Mike Shanahan.

According to Tango Brisket, a reporter with Sports Territory Magazine, Senator Orion F. Fellowfaust [D-Wyoming] is spearheading the investigation.

Senator Fellowfaust, who is an avid NFL football fan, stated that just since the Washington - Seattle playoff game, in which quarterback Robert Griffin III had no business playing in, he has received over 67,000 emails, 83,219 text messages, and 13 certified letters urging him to do something about the incident.

Griffin, was already hobbling and limping before the game even started. He told a reporter for The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle that it was just foot cramps from eating too much peanut butter the night before the game.

Seattle Seahawks Defensive Tackle Alan Branch commented that he recalls hearing RGIII holler, scream, and yell out in pain at least 17 times during the game, including 4 times while he was still in the Redskins huddle.

Coach Mike "Me, Me, Me" Shanahan stated that RGIII was doing all that screaming due to the fact that the night before the game he had gotten a wood splinter in his throwing hand while whittling out a 1/100th size replica of the Titanic.

One of the team physicians Dr. Wayfield M. Caffarelli, made it very clear that he did not want Griffin playing because he had noticed that he was also sneezing a lot, which he said was caused by the two hot dogs RGIII had eaten in the dressing room just prior to the start of the game.

Dr. Caffarelli, stated that Griffin and Shanahan both knew that the quarterback was allergic to relish so he is baffled as to why in the world the coach would have bought him the two relish-drenched hot dogs in the first place and why Griffin would have eaten them.

According to experts on allergies, eating foods that cause you to sneeze can most certainly cloud up your thinking process and the individual will think that he is 100 percent in perfect condition and health when in fact he should actually be sitting on the sidelines in a wheel chair or the very least in a walker.

SIDENOTE: According to Sports Balls Illustrated Daily a petition has been started to ask the Redskins ownership to fire Coach Shanahan. As of Wednesday, January 16, the petition had a little over 317,000 signatures.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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