Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 3 January 2013

image for New York Jets Coach Rex Ryan Gets To Keep His Job
Coach Ryan celebrated keeping his coaching job with three pepperoni pizzas (all for him).

NEW YORK CITY - Many hardcore Jets fans were stunned to hear that Coach Rex Ryan managed to get by Black Monday without losing his job.

In fact Las Vegas oddsmakers were giving 3 to 1 odds that Coach "Footsie" Ryan would be turning in the key to his Jets organization office about the same time as Ryan Seacrest, Jenny McCarthy, Anderson Cooper, and Kathy Griffin were all focused on the New Year's Eve Times Square Ball.

But Rob Ryan's twin brother received a last minute reprieve from the governor, AKA Jets owner Woody "Woodpecker" Johnson, who is reported to have said that he will give Coach Ryan one more chance and if he messes this chance up then he will be joining the likes of Mitt "The Flip-Flopper" Romney and his sidekick Paul "Little Bunny Foo Foo" Ryan down at the unemployment office.

Coach Ryan was asked by Sport's Territory Magazine's Tango Brisket if he felt like he had just skirted by, by the skin of his teeth.

Ryan, who has the sense of humor of a Brillo Pad, answered "Look Mr. Brisket my teeth do not have skin, never have. And it is silly to say that teeth have skin when even an airhead like Paris Hilton knows that teeth do not have skin."

Brisket rolled his eyes and remarked somewhat sarcastically, "Well it looks like somebody needs a Midol huh?"

And with that Ryan said that he had to leave due to a dental appointment.

In Other News. Chelsea Handler has said that the rumors that her and Kobe Bryant are an item are totally false. She said the falsehoods were probably made up by that bitter has-been Madonna, who is extremely jealous of her and the fact that she can attract men quicker than Kirstie Alley can devour Raisinets.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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