Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 4 January 2013

image for NASCAR'S Danica Patrick Denies The Derek Hough Rumors
Danica and Derek first met at Tarzana's Gary Busey International Speedway.

AMARILLO, Texas - NASCAR race driver Danica Patrick was in the Texas panhandle visiting one of her cousins identified as Aspen Loopkinlocker.

Recent reports have stated that Danica's marriage has hit a big oil spill and her #10 race car is spinning out of control.

A close friend of Patrick's, who did not want her name mentioned, stated that she has known the 30-year-old race car driver for nine years and she has never seen her appear more confused than she is at this time.

The unnamed friend recently told Sport's Territory Magazine's Atwood "Overtime" McSparrow that Danica had confided in her that she is having a tough time coping with the eight year itch.

Danica was told that she meant to say the seven year itch and she shook her head and remarked that she'd probably lose her bra if it was triple fastened.

Patrick, who married Dr. Paul Hospenthal, 47, in 2005, has recently been linked with fellow NASCAR driver Ricky "Slicky" Stenhouse, Jr.

She was quick to add that the attraction between her and Slicky is strictly based on the fact that both love the music of Simon and Garfunkel.

Danica was recently spotted with Dancing With The Stars pro dancer Derek Hough gazing into each other's eyes at a Giggling Guacamole Restaurant in La Brea.

Hough first watched her race in Tarzana at The Gary Busey International Speedway during Vroom-Vroom Week back in November.

When asked about Hough, Danica blushed turning as red as a Fresno fire truck. She said that The Dancing Dude, as Derek was nicknamed by Vice-President Joe Biden and her are simply very good friends and quickly dismissed the intimate snuggling rumors.

She pointed out that Derek is helping her get through her marital tsunami by teaching her how to dance the samba, the mambo, and the Argentine tango.

Derek commented that Danica has the cutest little butt he has ever seen and he loves the way she pronounces words like carburetor, windshield wipers, and naked.

In A Related Story: Lindsay Lohan was to have starred as Danica in the movie Going In Circles - The Danica Patrick Story, but she had to drop out due to the fact that she may possibly be going to prison.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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