Written by Ossurworld
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Wednesday, 2 January 2013

Now and then we are able to draw on our vast knowledge of literary characters and find the correct parallel in the NFL.

We have avoided the Princess and her pea this time around, but find that we still have an array of well-known heroines of the fairly tale world whose lives seem to match up well with the fortunes of modern-day young quarterbacks in the playoffs.

Based on the correct match, we believe we can tell the future of the virginal football star about to be baptized by the sackers of yellow flag notoriety.

Our Heroines:

Snow White
Cinderella
Sleeping Beauty
Beauty (of Beast fame)

Our Heroes:

Andrew Luck of the Colts
RGIII of the Redskins
Colin Kaepernick of the 49ers
Russell Wilson of the Seahawks

Perhaps the easiest match of all is Sleeping Beauty and Andrew Luck. Having been kissed by Chuckstrong, the lithe young QB has awakened from a so-so record to be in the playoff picture. Luck could easily become Beauty (of Beast fame) if he goes on to face Belichick's minions.

Colin Kaepernick is going to the ball, thanks to his fairy godfather Jim Harbaugh who has provided a pumpkin and ball gown. Of course, Alex Smith as the ugly stepbrother remains cursing in the background. This makes Kaepernick the first Cinderella story in history in which the main character is a tattooed dream date.

Russell Wilson may be looking over his shoulder at stepfather Pete Carroll who may have made a deal with the Beast, sending his lovely QB to play against a monster with dreadlocks, known affectionately as RGIII.

Of course, this fairy tale could be turned upside down easily enough if Robert Griffin III turns into Snow White, defended by the dwarf offensive line, led by their Dopey coach. This could turn Pete Carroll into the evil Queen bringing a poison-laden apple to the game.

Fairy tales generally have happy endings, but this time we foresee some grim tales as half of these anointed stars will be sent packing with no handsome prince coming to the rescue this season. After all, Tom Brady plays for the Patriots.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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