Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 1 January 2013

image for National Poll Says Kobe Bryant Needs To Stop Acting Like He's The Lakers Coach
A poll reveals Kobe needs to play basketball and leave the coaching to Coach Mark D'Antoni. (Photo by Jack Nicholson).

CHICAGO - A recent poll that was conducted by The National Sports Poll Coalition of America has just revealed an interesting fact about Los Angeles Laker basketball player Kobe Bean Bryant.

Ronni Ruckerheimer, 27, a representative with the poll giant stated that a total of 873,459 individuals participated in the sports poll.

The poll asked if the participant felt that Kobe Bryant was acting like he was the coach of the Lakers instead of just one of the Laker players.

Out of the 873,459 poll responses, a total of 867,301 absolutely felt that Bryant was in fact acting as if he was the coach.

Of the 6,158 remaining poll participants, 2,913 replied that the question was a trick question since Kobe Bryant is in fact the official Lakers coach.

Miss Ruckerheimer noted that 17 people stated that they did not think that Bryant was acting like he was the coach and 3,228 responded that they had never heard of Kobe Bryant.

Here Are Some of The Poll Participant Comments -

Kepler "Noodles" Furgerbiggen, Avocado Heights, California - I think that Kobe really thinks, in his basketball-obsessed head, that he actually is the Lakers coach. And being a Lakers fan myself, I guess it's okay because if he is told that he isn't the coach, he will most likely go ballistic and probably blame it all on Pau Gasol (again).

Vontarius "Yo Bro" Tuckerstock, Reno, Nevada - I'm a Los Angeles Clipper's fan and I think that Kobe is nothing but a whining, arrogant, sarcastic, egomaniacal, backstabber who blames his teammates for everything that goes wrong and who takes the credit for everything that goes right.

Elroy & Tuscanisha Poindiddly, Cheyenne, Wyoming - Me and my little woman both agree that Mr. Kobe Bean Bryant, the Left Coast dribblin' diva, is lucky-as-hell that he ain't sitting in a cold damp prison cell in Colorado.

Tyrenzo Berrybipple, Woonsocket, Rhode Island - Who da hell is Kobe Bryant?



[CREDITS: The National Sports Poll Coalition of America would like to thank Trudi Sue Chumkisky, 49, and LaJontay Jo Bintmint, 27, for processing the 873,459 poll entries. Also thanks to Mr. and Mrs. Elroy Poindiddly for their very generous $800 donation to the NSPCA.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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