Written by dulcie gabbani
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Topics: F1

Tuesday, 18 December 2012

image for Caterham F1 Team Signs Tyre Deal For 2013 Season With Fit Kwik

Struggling F1 racing team Caterham have announced that they have stopped using tyres purchased from tyre manufacturers Pirelli, and have signed a 2 year deal with budget tyre supplier Fit Kwik.

The deal is the first major development the team have made since the appointment of Yorkshire born team manager, Harry Hepstonstall, who's brief in the next season is to cut running costs, and possibly get the team its first ever F1 race point. The gritty Tyke, renowned for his spending thrift has wasted no time in securing the teams first deal for next season.

Heptonstall (55) a millionaire, made his fortune selling his chain of hardware shops in the Batley area of Yorkshire back in 2007. Since then he has established a string of whippet grooming salons throughout the North of England, and won the Yorkshire businessman of the year award in 2010.

He told our reporter "Thaz nowt clever in wasting money when thaz only gotta a bit o' cash int first place. I were looking at tyre bill fer last year, and it were bleedin ridiculous. They were paying Pirelli bleeding £800 a go for tyres, and the buggers were worn out after 70 mile ? eh, 70 mile on a new tyre, ah thought someones tekkint piss here".

"I got some tyres from Fit Kwik fut wife's Ford Mondeo. They cost me £60 each, and she's done bloody 26,000 mile on em, eh, and the buggers still haven't worn out, that's why I told Pirelli they could piss off with their fancy bloody tyres. £800 pound each ? they must think were made o' money"

"Hopefully with this deal, we can gerra way with two sets o' tyres for all of next year, that'll be about £300, cos Fit Kwik are lettin us av em cheap like".

He went on to tell us about the next expenditure that had shocked him. "You should av seen what these daft buggers were paying for petrol.....£5.50 a f**kin litre..?... I kid you not. I nearly hit the bleedin roof when a saw that. I said to em. Yer can get petrol at bleedin Tesco's for £1.31 a litre, AND get Clubcard points as well.

"It were only yesterday when I got round to seeing how much they were paying the driver for scoring nowt in a whole season, and I couldn't believe what I were reading..£2 million a year ?...? £2 million a year for what ?... f**k all, that's what".

"He were that shit, that he can only recognise the other drivers from the backs of their heads, because that's all he's seen for the last six bloody months, the useless sod".

"Ah tell yer, Ive got me work cut out we these dozy bastards, but am not one to shirk a challenge, and if these don't shape up then thaz going to be some job vacancies around here".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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