Football legend/God/dipstick Joey Barton has struggled for years with everything from his sexuality, facial hair, what jumper to wear on a winters morning, and recently he has had what some describe as a 'worrying' confusion over where the bloody hell he's from after speaking some weird French way during a press conference surrounded by sausages.
But now it's gone too far: Joey thinks he's a Chinaman.
'Mao Chi Pi' - formerly just 'Joey' - has shrunk two foot, and instead of a £500 hairdo now sports a pointy little hat.
He lives in a pagoda with remarkably human-like female a panda (pictured below).
The two are 'just good friend' but I happen to have walked past the place yesterday on my way to the dentist and am certain I saw them canoodling behind a Ming vase, lightly muttering wise Chinese proverbs such as "lick my arse, big boy".