Stoffy Scotland - Investigative reporters have uncovered the truth behind the proposed belly putter ban. It turns out the vibration from the ball impacting the putter can travel into the gut and rupture the interstitial tissues, causing internal bleeding, according to Dr. Uckersay of the local hospital here.
"We had a golfer brought in just last night with internal bleeding due to the belly putter. It was horrible. We almost lost him. The USGA does not want this to get out; at least not until they sell all those belly putters", he told us.
When asked if aspartame could have contributed to the illness, the Dr. ran from the room, holding a box of white powder.