Written by radiogagger
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Wednesday, 28 November 2012

image for QPR fan given CPR after shock point
We hope its chips its chips. We hope its chips its chips.

A Queens Park Rangers fan from West Ealing was rushed to hospital on Tuesday after collapsing with shock as the super hoops - newly managed by modern day saint, national hero and all round cheeky chappy Harry Redknapp - earned a rare point in the 0-0 draw away to Sunderland.

The fan - named locally as Jason Starling, 44 - didn't make it to the stadium for the match due to overtime at his Xmas job plucking turkeys for the Christmas rush - but received a text update from his cousin - Bertie Stein. He had hoped to make it home and be sitting comfortably before he could check the score on the BBC sports website, but a petrol shortage in middle class Chiswick meant the cancellation of the hourly E2 bus from Acton to West Ealing.

During the subsequent healthy walk home, he received the text saying "GOALLESS DRAW! USEFUL POINT - RANGERS ARE BACK - GOOD OLD 'ARRY". Jason collapsed outside the Larry Fish Bar in Acton, where ambulance staff were called.

Larry Cuthbert, 51, owner of the Fish Bar, rushed out to assist Starling, and inspired by the Vinnie Jones advert for the British Heart Foundation Advert, gave CPR - short for Cardiopulmonary resuscitation - to the QPR fan to the rhythm of 'Staying Alive' by the Bee Gees.

Bertie Stein said his cousin was recovering well and hopes to be at Loftus Road for the next home game "even if it kills him".
Stein, 82,a green grocer in Westfield, added "After the next home game, we'll be heading to the fish bar to show our appreciation of Larry". When asked about the match he added "It was a right result and no mistake guvnor, it shows the impact Harry has on the team. Instead of being relegated by Christmas, I expect we can probably hang on till Valentines Day, or - if were really lucky - Easter".

* Staff at the Fish Bar have asked us to point out Mr Starling had not been consuming any food from the establishment when he collapsed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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