Written by Simon Saunders
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Thursday, 22 November 2012

image for Underperforming Rafael Benitez Sacked By Chelsea
All of these seats could be filled by managers Abramovich has ditched

Chelsea dictator Roman Abramovich has decided to relieve recently appointed manager Rafa Benitez of his duties after no games in charge.

The news will come as no shock to most football fans as Abramovich is a notoriously hard man to please, a fact proven by his sacking of Roberto Di Matteo just six months after winning the Champions League, the holy grail of European domestic football.

Di Matteo, who was once an extra on 'Thunderbirds', got shown the door following a run of just two wins in eight games and with their defence of the coverted Champions League trophy looking decidedly ropey.

Benitez's sacking comes literally hours after he was appointed on an interim basis. Club insiders say Abramovich had become impatient with Benitez's inability to guide the team to a higher league position despite the fact Benitez hadn't been in charge for any games and hadn't even met Abramovich's players yet.

Abramovich installed a revolving door and a merry-go-round in the managers office at Stamford Bridge following Jose Mourinho's departure in 2007. Experts reckon he's got more than his moneys worth out of those purchases unlike fifty million pound malfunctioning striker Fernando "El Ninnieo" Torres.

Abramovich, who has fired more people than Lord Sugar on the BBC show 'The Apprentice', can now proudly boast that he's disposed of five managers before they'd even managed a year in charge since he bought the club in 2003 from grumpy Santa Claus lookalike Ken Bates.

Early favourites to be appointed as the next man to be sacked by Abramovich include anyone who fancies a large pay-off once he gets fed up with them.

Meanwhile, Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson, who's been in charge at Old Trafford for twenty-six years, a period which has seen sixteen different people manage Chelsea, has been taken into hospital after cracking several ribs while laughing himself silly at this latest Chelsea managerial casualty.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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