Written by Paul Blake
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Saturday, 17 November 2012

image for Jeff Gordon Nascar Fight Triggered By Texting
"Here comes Track Safety Officer, #24 Jeff Gordon."

Homestead, FL - The embarrassing brawl that Nascar Superstar, Jeff Gordon, and his pit crew were involved in at the Phoenix International Raceway on Sunday with rival Clint Bowyer, appears to have been in the name of track safety. It seems that the unfortunate bruh-ha-ha was ignited by the fact that Mr. Gordon really hates it when people text and drive at the same time.

"It's just so god damn dangerous!" exclaimed a still peeved Gordon.

Right from the very beginning of the race, Jeff had noticed that Clint Bowyer in the # 15 Five Hour Energy car, kept looking down to his lap and wasn't really paying attention to his driving. Bowyer swerved toward Gordon and other drivers on several occasions throughout the race.

Gordon then asked his manager in the pit to call up to the booth and have their man with the binoculars check on the situation. Sure enough, the call came back that Bowyer seemed to be texting as he rocketed around the track at 185 mph.

Gordon, who has done public service announcements about the dangers of texting while driving, became so enraged towards the end of the race, that he eventually took matters into his own hands.

"I was one of the first ones to sign Oprah's pledge." Added Gordon, in reference to Mrs. Winfrey's efforts to curb texting while driving.

"Just ask my wife. When we are driving around at home, nothing gets under my skin quicker that when I see someone texting while on the road." Said the seven time Sprint Series Champion.

So far, no one in Jeff's hometown of Del Ray Beach, Florida has come forward to claim that Mr. Gordon has run them off the road for the same offense.

"Hopefully, people start taking me seriously about this." Gordon said. "I don't care if your tweeting your fans." He said regarding the Bowyer smackdown.

One thing is for sure, we are certain that Clint Bowyer probably got the message. Tune in to see who ends up LOLing after the final race in the Sprint Cup Series this weekend in Homestead, Florida.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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