Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 15 November 2012

image for Phil Jackson Threatens To Sue The L.A. Lakers
Jackson said the Lakers told him they'd make him the highest paid coach in the NBA. (Photo courtesy of Jay Leno).

LOS ANGELES - Phil Jackson says that if the Los Angeles Lakers organization wants to play games they had better play them on the basketball court and not with him.

The coach who led the Lakers to five NBA World Championships and the Chicago Bulls to six NBA World Championships is extremely upset at the fact that he was pursued by the Lakers to become their coach and suddenly they went in another direction altogether with Mike D'Antoni.

Jackson told Rufus Reno with Sports Balls Illustrated Daily that it was his understanding that he was going to be replacing Mike Brown who was fired because of the lowly play of the Lakers and because he adamantly refused to drive the team bus as the team owner Jerry Buss had asked.

Brown responded by saying that driving in L.A. traffic makes him extremely nervous and it causes him to break out in hives and to start stuttering words that begin with the letter L.

He then pointed out regarding the lowly Lakers play that before and during every game he always makes it a point to tell all of his players to put the basketball in the basket and if they don't put the damn ball in the friggin basket then how in the effen world is that his freakin' fault.

The Brownster, as Sean Hannity calls him, noted that Kobe Bryant is 34, Pau Gasol is 32, Metta World Peace is 33, Steve Nash is 38, and Dwight Howard is 26, so if they don't listen to him then he can't exactly put them in 'time out' time, or threaten to take away their desert.

Jackson, who is known as the Zen Master, told Rufus Reno that the Lakers had promised to make him the highest paid coach in the NBA.

He then stated that they were also going to give him 2 percent ownership in the team, buy him a 2013 Ferrari, and give him a thoroughbred racehorse that is an offspring of this year's Kentucky Derby winner I'll Have Another.

The 6-foot-8-inch Jackson said that he was extremely surprised that he was passed over for the head coaches' job especially since he is dating Jeanie Buss, the the daughter of the Lakers owner.

SIDENOTE: Jackson is so angry with the way he was treated that he is considering hiring prominent L.A. attorney Gloria Allred and suing the Lakers organization for athletic misrepresentation, habeas fabrication, and ipso fibbing.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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