Written by Ossurworld
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Sunday, 11 November 2012

Once again, the New England Patriots had no news, which some interpret as good news.

If you are looking at the outward signs, you find that nearly every player on the team is on some kind of injury status. This season, unlike previous, the only healthy member of the team appears to be the aging wonder, Tom Terrific Brady.

In other, less notable news, the potential star in the next version of Bill and Ted's journey saga, Rob Gronkowski, has been juicing up his credentials as a space cadet.

Yes, indeed, our lovable Gronk was out of this world during the week literally and put on a connection to the international space station where he spoke and interacted with an unseen, unheard female astronaut from the local Boston area.

She is flying high above the Earth, which prompted Gronk to inquire if she was floating. And, like Gronk, she needs no strange substances to make it happen.

Whatever the astronaut had to say, it was not beamed down to the local media. The semi-public conversation with Gronk was completely half-open. To his credit, Gronk did not use his usual charm reserved for adult film stars who zip past him.

In other, more notable news, Aaron Hernandez, the other half of the tight end twins, announced he was the father of a newborn and would no longer be dashing about like a crazed NFL tight end. He now has responsibilities as a father. His priorities are now set.

In related news, he also announced he would soon marry the baby's mother. In the 21st century, priorities eventually come down like a deck of cards, every which way.

We are reminded that when Josh Beckett, late of the Boston Red Sox, announced he was now a father and had other priorities besides sports, he was roundly castigated by media and fans. He was then tarred, feathered, and run out of town.

Hernandez has not yet suffered such a fate, but as part of his new mature status, he has been deemed unavailable to play in the Buffalo Bills game, owning to an ankle issue.

The more things change, the more the 21st century seems like an upside down cake.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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