Written by Simon Saunders
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Tuesday, 6 November 2012

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SFA President Campbell Ogilvie announcing the decision to relieve Levein of his duties

The SFA have finally made a decision on the international future of their head coach Craig Levein.

He doesn't have one.

They reached their swift conclusion following over two weeks of painstaking discussions after recent World Cup qualifying defeats to Wales and Belgium.

Levein, who once broke the nose of one of his own team-mates after punching him during a pre-season friendly following a disagreement over a goal they'd conceded, is said to be devastated following the SFA's decision.

Scotland, who had no chance of qualifying for the World Cup anyway, currently lie bottom of their group with 2 points from a possible 12. The SFA believe that taking action now could resuscitate their campaign. Although many pundits reckon Scotland will remain uncannily similar to a pair of knitting needles in as much as they will remain with 2 points.

Despite losing his job, Levein will remain on the SFA payroll until his contract ends after the 2014 World Cup costing the SFA around £15.20 in wages.

One anonymous Scotland player told us that sacking the coach wouldn't make any difference because he and his team-mates are "useless numpties who will probably be qualified for a bus pass long before we qualify for another World Cup."

Early front runners to succeed Levein include Wee Jimmy Krankie, Taggart and Fish from 80's Scottish band Marillion.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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