Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 6 November 2012

image for Lance Armstrong Is Moving To The South Pole
Lance Armstrong's helicopter shown flying over the South Pole.

NEW ORLEANS - Lance Armstrong was recently seen riding his bicycle down on Bourbon Street.

According to Tango Brisket with Sports Territory Magazine, Armstrong was wearing a Mitt Romney "Frankenstein" Halloween mask and was dressed in an LSU sweatshirt and Kelly green jeans.

Brisket recognized him right away and was actually able to talk to Armstrong when he parked his bicycle and went into the notorious Crocs & Gators Hurricane Bar.

The bar is famous for being the lounge where Los Angeles Laker Kobe Bryant and former Laker teammate Luke Walton once got into a scuffle over which of the waitresses was the prettiest.

In fact the bar has a plaque which reads "This is the spot on the floor where Kobe Bryant and Luke Walton both ended up after their infamous Valentine's Day Scuffle of 2009."

Lance has said that two places he makes a point to visit any time he is in the Big Easy are Mama Maddie's Riverboat of Crayfish Gumbo & Stuff and the Crocs & Gators Hurricane Bar.

Armstrong noted that Cajun legend has it that back in 1893, a New Orleans voodoo woman put an anti-curse on the bar which prevents it from being destroyed by a hurricane.

Lance mentioned to Mr. Brisket that after being stripped of all of his Tour de France wins, being dropped by Nike, losing out on his $50 million Anheuser Busch sponsorship, and having all of this Lance Armstrong Bubble Gum Trading Cards recalled he is seriously thinking about leaving America.

SIDENOTE: Lance recently told Piers Morgan that he plans on buying about 100 acres, building a huge igloo, and moving permanently to the South Pole.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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