Written by Ossurworld
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Saturday, 3 November 2012

Aqib Talib sounds like someone whose picture may be hanging in your local post office.

From pistol-whipping his sister's boyfriend to clobbering a teammate with his helmet, Talib could probably change the direction of Hurricane Sandy with his sleepy-eyed sneer.

Rumors in the Patriots locker room have centered on the fact that Coach Bill Belichick went after Talib because he needed someone who smiled fewer times than he.

Talib was inspired by the movie The Program in which his idol (Alvin Mack) watches game film and notes that his duty is to "kill the quarterback."

As the Patriots frequently cite a holier-than-thou approach to life and football, it is refreshing to find them wanting to rehabilitate one of the most frightening figures in the NFL.

According to Wikipedia, "Terror" is Aqib Talib's middle name.

Next time Wes Welker wants to stick it to Coach Belichick, he may be facing Talib in practice the next day.

With one of the worst defensive coverage against the pass, the Patriots have now found a way through the Gordian knot. Like a hot knife through butter, Aqib Talib may make butter sauce of the opponents' wide receivers.

Apart from missing a few screws, spellcheck indicates that the difference between Aqib and losing is the same difference between a champ and a chump. You have to guess. Yes, u.

Electricians at Gillette Stadium are adding more lights to the dark tunnels to the locker room to make teammates feel secure.

Fans are now urged to vote in favor of medical marijuana next week to ease the pain of Aqib's attention deficit disorder.

Make Ossurworld's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 multiplied by 5?

9 10 5 11

Go to top