Written by Ossurworld
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Topics: Boston Celtics

Saturday, 3 November 2012

The Celtics rebuilding process now appears to have created a house of papier-mâché.

Looking like Doc Rivers threw them together with pulp, starch, and wallpaper paste, the team stood around, like an ugly pattern on the wall.

These players did not congeal into a team and seemed like arbitrarily stuck wet wads on a wire skeleton of the former banner winners. They were not quite as creepy as shadow finger puppets.

If you like paper dolls, you have an entire team of cut-outs in which you may alternate the uniforms from offense to defense and back again. No matter which way you dress them, these 2012-13 Celtics appear one-dimensional and flat. The Celtics seemed to be paper tigers at the Garden zoo.

If you think the Celtics were not ready to play the Heat or capable of intensity, you may want to compare that uninspired performance to the home opener against the Milwaukee Bucks. Today's Bucks were hardly de-valued and played with more inflation that you'd expect against the Celtics who looked like they showed up to dance for pennies on the dollar.

If you want to fool some of the people in a theater production with good-looking but inexpensive sets, you use Papier-mâché. Fans in the cheap seats won't be able to tell the difference between marble pillars and fakery.

The Celtics are now matching the Red Sox in the department of economic savings. Both teams are made out of the same materials you'd find in a Mardi Gras float.

Up close in the front row on courtside was the latest contract winner in Boston-David Ortiz, there to enjoy a game by watching his fellow veteran, Kevin Garnett. The twosome will play their golden years in Boston after starting out together in Minneapolis (Twins and Timberwolves respectively).

Once superstars on championship teams, both men look like aging stars with bloated contracts. That will be small solace in their twilight years on poor teams. If they seem to believe they are on a good team, it is the illusion of papier-mâché.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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