LONDON--Following a New England Patriots team visit to Buckingham Palace, sources confirmed that members of the Queen's Guard were overheard discussing the lifeless and hollow visage of Bill Belichick, who reportedly did not blink, smile, or make any use of his muscle structure during the team's stay.
"My God, did you see his eyes?" guardsman Eric MacMillen was overheard saying. "So gray and dead. He was like a human robot. It didn't even look like he was breathing."
Guardsman Matt Hendricks, who has repeatedly endured rain, snow, and tourist harassment without changing posture, agreed. "It's just not natural, the way his body never seemed to move. I don't care how disciplined you are, there's something wrong with you if you do that for extended period of time. Do you think he loosens up at home? I bet not-you can't just suddenly turn on a switch become a normal person again."
Belichick's behavior is likely to be overshadowed by tight end Rob Gronkowski, who loudly asked the palace guards and passersby if they spoke American.