Written by Ossurworld
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Sunday, 28 October 2012

Bobby Valentine likes to give two interviews for every question. As a result, he gave Bob Costas one set of insights about his season in hell with the Red Sox. Then, a few days later he spoke to Boston Globe never dead-beat reporter Nick Cafardo, providing annotations and glosses.

After many construed Bobby's comments that David Ortiz quit playing in August with a bogus injury, Valentine the Revisionist came back to say that he merely stated fact: Ortiz stopped playing. Gone was the connotation.

Valentine bashers continued to pile on, claiming he threw Big Papi under the bus. Actually, Valentine drove a tank over Ortiz, flattening him like a pancake just as he is concluding negotiations to re-sign with the Red Sox.

The ownership of the Sox now look like the darnedest fools in baseball to give a big contract to a quitter. We dug into our book of Richard Nixon quotes to come up with: "Winners never quit, and quitters never win."

Valentine insists now, in his latest incarnation during the full moon, that there was nothing at stake in August and July in Boston-not even franchise pride.

Of course, Ortiz is hardly blameless as he saw the writing on the wall: he wanted a big contract for multiple years, and it was denied to him. Injury, fake or real, seemed to be made to order.

Both Valentine and Ortiz seem to realize that duplicity is a double-edged sword. You can always count on their forked tongues.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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