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Sunday, 21 October 2012

image for Pressure builds on Villas-Boas, to clear his throat
Villa Boas has been described as a 'pop-up clown' on the sidelines when celebrating from a kneeling position.

Tottenham Hotspur manager Andre Villas-Boas is facing mounting pressure from fans to have his throat cleared by his next interview.

Listeners and viewers to the Portuguese's interviews have been mildly grossed out by his phlegm filled larynx since he arrived on these shores last year.

One said, "The first few times I heard him I thought okay so he's got the cold, a sore throat. It's been more than a year now. Just freakin' cough already!"

Another observer noted, "His voice sounds like a motorcycle starting, revving up as he bangs on about something or other. It makes my eyes water. Clear your bloody throat man!"

After initially garnering an army of female admirers Boas's stock appears to have dropped, as one stated, "At first I was so into him, with his perfectly groomed hair, shapely face, sharp suits and cute little toosh. And his gravel voice was to die for! But now it's more like a molten lava voice. Its weirding me out. Listening to his radio interview yesterday - I thought my kettle was boiling!"

Indeed what were once sexy, dolcid tones are now ugly, unhygienic rumbles, and after losing to former club Chelsea and another of the Mourinho clones in Roberto Di Matteo, Boas will be under huge pressure. To clear his throat.

Di Matteo also dresses sharply, and has female admirers - but has a voice so smooth and crisp it's like a silk McCoy.

Of course Villa-Boas was the original neo-Mourinho, being from Portugal, formerly managing Porto, moving to Chelsea and giving the impression that he would lick himself if he were chocolate. Or even if he wasn't.

Boas' decidedly patchy managerial record for the past 18 months is distinctly un-Mourinho-esque however and sees Di Matteo ascending to the throne of mock-Special One number one, or something.

Villa Boas on the other hand will look to rectify his flagging reputation and no longer sound like a hung over guy on the phone who's just had the mother of all nights out.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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