Sport clothing giant Nike has decided to get divorced from it's former super-hero, Lance Armstrong. The relationship had become slightly strained after it was revealed that Lance really preferred wearing Adidas tight cycling pants instead because they kept his balls apart and from getting saddle-sore!
Lance secretly wore the Adidas pants under his Nike ones because after sitting so long in the saddle during the Tour de France the Nike pants gave him a sore balls and the Adidas ones, being Made in Germany, were far more comfortable; "just like sitting in my Porsche," Lance said.
Nike are quite upset at the revelations and thought such a super-clean-pristine hero like Lance having a secret love affair with their main rivals would cause immense damage to their image. After all think about the Tour de France competitors all using Adidas instead of Nike just because they don't want sore balls and bums, which are part and parcel of the Tour just like several other nasty things.
Lance doesn't mind that Nike have dropped him because after suffering so long with sweaty, nasty balls and bums, he's quite glad it's all come out in the open and now he can swing his balls which ever way his testerone points him (With no hormones attached)!