Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 13 October 2012

image for The NFL Cleveland Browns Are 0-5 And May Move To Anchorage, Alaska
The price of a football autographed by the entire Browns football team has now dropped down to $2.

CLEVELAND - The rumblings being heard on Lake Erie are not weather-related but football-related.

The Cleveland Browns at 0-5 possess the worst won-loss record of any of the 32 National Football League teams.

Owner Jimmy Haslam has said that the stars in the universe just don't seem to be aligned in the Browns favor.

He noted that the team's poor performance could also be blamed on the weather phenomenons known as El Niño (The Boy), La Niña (The Girl), and even on La Abuelita (The Grandmother).

One of Cleveland's most dedicated fans, 89-year-old life-time season ticket holder Agnes Andromeda Tiskinbauer, says that Jimmy Quimmy needs to stop trying to find weather-related excuses and realize that the team is losing because the opponents are all simply scoring more freakin points than the Brownies.

Sports Balls Illustrated Daily's Dottie Bazooka spoke with three of the Browns players and they are all extremely unhappy.

One of the players, wide receiver Mohamed Massaquoi (#11) stated that he is getting tired of hearing little six and seven-year-old kids call him a loser, a non-winner, and a used car salesman.

Running back Chris Ogbonnaya (#25) said that lots of his relatives have stopped returning his calls and one of his favorite relatives Stacy Ogbonnaya, 26, has even stopped playing Words With Friends with him.

And Cleveland nose tackle Ishmaa'ily Kitchen who wears #67, said that he is requesting a trade to either the 5-0 Houston Texans or the 5-0 Atlanta Falcons.

Haslam has stated that nobody is going to be traded and if the fans and the players do not stop complaining by midnight October 21, he is going to see about moving the team up to Anchorage, Alaska.

In A Related Story. Browns defensive tackle Billy Winn (#90) told Piers Morgan on Piers Morgan Tonight that if this losing keeps up, he may consider changing his name to Billy Lose.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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