Written by Ossurworld
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Topics: Red Sox Nation

Monday, 1 October 2012

Those cockeyed optimists have now celebrated that the Red Sox losing season has protected their baseball draft choice. You have to be among the worst in the sport to achieve this dubious honor.

The Red Sox have lost 90 games in 2012 are can still add to their distinctive total. Three Yankee games are next on the water torture test.

Yes, not since the Golden Age of Don Buddin and Dick Stuart have the Sox played with such distinction. It is the worst losing season in decades, the worst season at home since golden agers were young, and the most unlikeable team in the lifetime of the nouveau fans of the 21st century.

If there is ever a happy attribution to the number 90, it is that it is around the number of days in a true season. In 90 more days we shall be in the throes of winter when the Sox season will be long behind us--and suffering the most recent blizzard.

Did Jules Verne go round the world in 90 days? Well, he went faster than the 90 losses experienced by the Boston hosing.

You usually receive a 90-day warranty on those late-night infomercials when you buy the product that appeals to you in an insomniac state. Alas, the Sox have no such warranty. Ninety losses and dozens of games will not get your money back.

If you like your numbers not quite round enough, you may find Pythagoras will laugh at the number of Sox games down the tubes.

In the acupuncture treatment realm, you have reached 25% of all total points of sticking a pin in your body.

Sox fans have now stuck pins in most of their bodies to see if they can still feel the joy of winning.

In terms of celestial numbers, it feels like the previous World Series victory was 90 million light years away.

There are 90 feet between third base and home, but it may as well be a mile for the Red Sox.

If you live to be 90, you may not again see a season like the Red Sox and Bobby Valentine gave us this year.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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