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Wednesday, 12 September 2012

In a desperate effort to keep their "sell out" streak going at Fenway Park, Red Sox ownership has authorized a special Wizard of Oz night for fans.

To keep the streak alive as the team comes under attack from flying monkeys and belligerent talking trees, owner John Henry will greet paying customers at the ballpark. He will dress as the Cowardly Lion.

Larry Lucchino, president of so-called baseball ops, will appear as the Wicked Witch of the West who has kidnapped Toto (Ben Cherington) from the bewildered Dorothy (Bobby Valentine).

The media will appear as Friends of Dorothy.

Instead of singing "Sweet Caroline" between innings, Valentine is expected to lead the crowd in a rousing rendition of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow."

Bobby is also expected to do ballroom dancing along the base paths before the game. And the Sox medical staff will take turns as the Man Behind the Curtain, the fake Wizard.

Instead of uniforms for the night's festivities, MLB has given permission for the Red Sox players to dress up like Munchkins. Dustin Pedroia has already locked up the role as the Lollipop Kid.

John Henry will watch the game from the Monster Seats where he will join all fans who dress as flying monkeys. During the game fans that jump off the 37-foot wall in an attempt to fly will be given free medical attention.

Boston Mayor Tom Menino has proclaimed that for the night the Green Monster will be called "Emerald City."

DH from the DL David Ortiz has won accolades for his role as the Scarecrow this season and will sing the ever-popular Sox fan favorite, "If I Only Had a Brain…"

According to Red Sox officials, if the night is a success and the Sox actually win a game, fans will likely see "Star Wars" night and "Twilight" vampire night for future games.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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