A frustated Roy Hodgson promised changes after England failed to beat Ukraine at Wembley as the countries footballers burst the sporting bubble that had filled the country with pride over the last six weeks.
England drew 1-1 on the night with Euro 2012 joint hosts, after being rescued by a late Frank Lampard Junior penalty. Steven Gerrard was sent off in the dying minutes of the game for a tired tackle and will miss the crucial encounter with San Marino next month.
"I'm flabbergasted" said Hodgson "and it's not often I say that" he continued. The tongue tied elder statesman of English football refused to blame the Turkish referee who disallowed a Jermaine Defoe wonder goal goal goal in the first half, and also turned down another penalty claim in the second. "Sheeesh, I mean Jeez, I donner know what game he was watching. But I respect him 110%, as he sent off John Terry in the Champions League semi-final at the Nou Camp. A man of impeccable taste"
The England gaffer confirmed that Peter Crouch refused to accept a 'stand-by' call up to the Euro 2012 squad and only wanted to be considered as part of the original 23 man squad. "Crouchy has his head in the clouds" said Hodgson of the diva like demands.
Hodgson confirmed a call up for Ian Wright, as the ex-Arsenal legend scored 4 v San Marino in 1993 under the management of Graham 'Turnip' Taylor. "No Stevie G v San Marino - Do I not like that!" said Uncle Roy as he left the press conference and headed towards the local Wembley kebab shop before it closed.
Wright quit top class football almost a decade ago, when he signed for West Ham United. He may ask for sons Shaun and Bradley, of QPR and Charlton respectively, being called into the squad to run for him.
A secret footballer in the England camp admitted "After the euphoria surrounding the Olympians, the super human Paralympians and even that miserable Scottish tennis player in America last night, us overpaid prima donna soccer players just couldn't compete"