Written by The WB
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Tuesday, 11 September 2012

image for After US Open, Manhattan to Return to Not Giving a Crap About Queens for 50 Weeks
A famous Manhattan building that's generally considered to be more interesting than anything in Queens

NEW YORK, Sept. 10 -- Following the captivating final match ending fifteen days of mind-boggling athleticism and heart-stopping drama at the US Open in Flushing Meadows, the borough of Manhattan will return to not giving a crap about the borough of Queens until the end of next August.

"We love this place!" said tennis-loving Manhattanites at the end of the men's singles final, as they poured out of the USTA National Tennis Center and boarded the Manhattan-bound 7 train, not to set foot in Queens again for 50 weeks.

While Queens is also home to Citi Field, the Mets' home ballpark which happens to lie across the street from the USTA complex, Manhattan is generally more loyal to the Yankees, who are not only consistent playoff contenders, but also have not undergone a 12-year transformation from World Series runner-up to Triple-A rehab center.

Queens, a semi-urban county with one tall building which sits across the East River from the densely packed cultural capital Manhattan and is generally content to bask in its reflected glory, holds little interest for Manhattanites outside of the tennis center, the Sesame Street soundstage, Louis Armstrong's house, the Museum of Modern Art annex, and the LIRR hub that allows Hamptons- and Fire Island-bound passengers to change to the proper train.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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