Written by Ossurworld
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Thursday, 6 September 2012

Bobby Valentine called Bill Belichick for advice on holding press conferences. As the master of dyspeptic answers, Belichick is well-known for putting his press followers to bed before the latest edition.

Advice from the Patriot head coach came a little too late. As Belichick tweeted his ten commandments. Bobby blew up on sports talk radio, revealing whatever pathos and bathos occurred at the moment.

"Never tell the press you are learning from misery because they will make you more miserable."

"Never let them record you saying you want to punch a radio personality in the mouth. Wait till you get to the studio and do it privately."

"Never tell the media their questions are embarrassing. They then ask more personal questions."

"Tell the press that the only time you check out is at the supermarket."

"Insist that you will only be late once. That's after your funeral when they will call you late all the time."

"Don't reveal what you ate for breakfast. The press will accuse you of having a sugar high during games."

"Always tell them you are too concerned with this year to worry about next year."

Bill insisted never to make pedicures an excuse in his last tweet, to which Joe Maddon seconded that emotion.

When Bobby tweeted back that Bill only gave nine answers, not ten, Belichick said: "Never let them have ten questions. And stop tweeting for crying out loud."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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