Written by Jaggedone
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Wednesday, 5 September 2012

image for Usain Bolt signs for United and Rooney sprints the other way!
Outcast, Wayne Rooney, can't wait to get high in Jamaica!

Sir Alex Ferguson has made the scoop of the season and offered super-sprinter, Usain Bolt, a contract to play for Man United! Bolt, who is totally insane, feels that his speed can benefit United who tend to be pretty slow in the final third (whatever that is) and his finishing is perfect just like RVP's.

Wayne Rooney, sitting at home recovering from a gashed leg, has vowed to win back his rightful place whilst devouring several hamburgers, chip butties and other Liverpudlian delicatessens. But Sir Alex Ferguson has aready given up on fatty Wayne and decided to send him the other way, back to Jamaica for 30 million big ones and Usain is paying his fee!

Rooney will now be playing for the Jamaican Reggae team, Marley United, who play in the Kingston league and never appear until they are high. RVP gave the following comment: "I came to United to win things and it wasn't the money (cough, cough) and now Usain has sprinted on board I know I did the right thing because at least we've got rid of Rooney and Berbatov; gottverdomme!"

Paul Scholes scratched his ginger head and said,"things happen so fast here I think I'll retire again because at 38 I just can't keep up with it all!"

Sir Alex Ferguson begged to differ and begged Paul to hang around for a while just in case Usain Bolt is not quite a second Bob marley who was a pretty mean footy player, man!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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