The Patriots situation is nearly as dire as the conditions Curiosity has found on Mars. There are no Waters anywhere.
In Foxboro, on the far side of Mars, Bill Belichick was asked about Waters and admitted he had been "misinformed" about the location of Waters.
Like Rick in Casablanca, the classic old movie, he informs the gendarmeries that he came to Casablanca for the Waters. When told there were no waters in the desert, Rick said: "Well, then, is Brian here?"
The Waters are rather murky on that question. If Brian is there, he is hidden beneath the sands of time. He will be an oasis of relief for Tom Brady who may also be looking in Foxboro for the bubbling spring of life-giving Waters.
The Patriots have not stated whether Waters is a holdout from the dry season of practice, or whether Waters is everywhere, but not a drop is ready to play.
The last time there was no Waters in Foxboro the Patriots played at Schaeffer Stadium, and the toilets didn't work.
At a recent press conference, Bill Belichick refused to guess when the Waters spigot would be back on.
According to some, still Waters run deep, especially back in Texas where Brian apparently is holed up.
Everyone knows blood is thicker than Waters, but when the blood belongs to Tom Brady, no one wants to see his spilled in the opening game.
Right now the Patriots look like a fish out of Waters, or someone ought to fish Waters out of the drink. In any case, the brush fire on the offensive line needs big Waters.
The worst scenario is that you can bring a contract to Waters, but you can't make him sign.