Madrid, Spain (it's Real!): Cristiano Ronaldo, soccer super-star, pompous, self righteous, multi-millionaire prima-donna is to retire from soccer because he's sad!
The reasons behind his sadness have nothing to do with his vast wealth or lack of support at Real Madrid. The reason is; his only desire is to be Numero Uno in Spain and the world, but that will never be because Senor Messi claims that title and Ronaldo will always be runner-up to Messi, a loser in other words in the world of super-stars!
So Ronaldo has decided to give everything up and he is going to Calcutta, India, to work amongst the poor and wretched. He will dedicate his money and time to those who cannot even dream about Ronaldo's flamboyant and very affluent life-style. And he has promised to be "Numero Uno" amongst the slums of Calcutta; he will give the most and gain the most love from those who have less than nothing at last achieving what he only really wanted anyway, true love and respect from the "very little people"!
The only thing that Ronaldo has decided to take with him is his $5000000 blood red Ferrari, which will be parked up in front of his new slum abode without running water and a bog as proof to the very poor that "MONEY IS NOT EVERYTHING!"
Sad Ronaldo.. (Jesus whatever next? Maybe him?)