Written by Ossurworld
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Tuesday, 4 September 2012

Bobby Valentine had a late breakfast with owner John Henry on a morning in Seattle when the Red Sox have never played worse. It's enough to curb one's appetite.

Valentine claimed he felt better after his morning meal with the owner. Whether Bobby ate humble pie (usually served by Patriots coach Bill Belichick) or had chocolate covered ants tossed at him by John Henry, only the two men know.

We suspect the chitchat over hash browns and scrambled eggs centered on the scrambled batting and hash pitching that the hard-boiled manager had to endure this season.

The waitress reported that Valentine asked John Henry to try Alfredo Aceves Over Easy, a high calorie side order with hot peppers.

Calling Red Sox cooked batters, "spoiled bats" is a bit like saying the melted ice cream is still fattening, but Valentine likely withheld his opinion over a cup of Caramel Lackey.

Bobby can certainly reveal these players are pampered cream puffs made with tofu. Nonetheless, their sugar content managed to send two managers in two years into diabetic shock. The starting rotation is a dish always served cold with sweet and low balls.

Don't ask the owners what to eat for breakfast. They see nothing, hear nothing, and speak nothing about the fast food menu.

They make Sgt. Shultz of Hogan's Heroes look like one of the owner eating partners, or at least their public relations consultant/dinner companion.

Whatever they ate, it was not Bobby's last meal (which may come later). We also presume John Henry picked up the tab for the two sausage muffins with the money he saved recently on Carl Crawford's salary.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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