Written by Ossurworld
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Monday, 3 September 2012

Red Sox now approach Circle Nine of Hell.

Are we there yet?

When Dante discussed his ideas about Hell in the Inferno, Circle 9 was a fairly loathsome place. However, it now appears to be an alley near Fenway Park.

In the deepest pit, wayfarers are enclosed in a kind of cocoon of cellophane where they are trapped forever. General Zod sort of experienced this when Superman's father sent him into outer space in one of these membranes.

It is kind of like being under the microscope of Boston sports press forever. Nothing could be worse, and Bobby Valentine is not too far from this eternal punishment. He may forever be linked with the worst season a generation of young fans used to championships has experienced.

We feel that the ghost of Babe Ruth must be the guy in charge of the shuttle boat across River Styx to the netherworld. Bobby has one of those EZ passes that actually get you through the Ted Williams Tunnel in the speed lane.

Alas, Bobby's pass has expired, and he no longer carries the correct change.

But, as the Fast Times at Fenway Park become tedious, the trip is strictly one-way. When Bobby has pizza delivered to the dugout during a game, we know that the end is near.

Nowadays the trip through the Ted Williams tunnel seems like a downward spiral. Having faced the Scylla and Charibdis of Josh Beckett and Alfredo Aceves, Bobby is now atop the White Whale.

We can hear Bobby, as he curses the Red Sox and the media: "Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee."

Well, we knew it was going to be an interesting ride.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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