A lion has been sighted roaming in Essex. He is thought to have escaped from a zoo in Colchester where he was being ill treated.
Information coming to our news desk suggests the lion is headed for East London where he wants a meeting with the West Ham directors about the total lack of roar and spring in the West Ham attack against Swansea.
"The team were as tame as Tabby Cats," the lion is thought to have declared to a passing cyclist. "I want to put some spine into their backbone."
Several Essex girls - noted for their sexy approach to life - have applauded the lion and suggested he puts some fire into their Essex men who are noted for their laid back approach to life.
"I could do with a good strong lion for a mate," declared sporty Karen Hammer, "at the moment it looks as if we"re headed back to pissing around in the Championship."
Anyone seeing the lion is asked to direct him to Upton Park where fans will be ready to welcome him.