Written by FeeAssCo
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Topics: Olympics, mental

Saturday, 25 August 2012

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Doctor's have revealed the number of people being referred to a physcho[therapist] since the end of the Oh lympic [see #1] games has jumped to more than triple the figures before the game started.

Pyscho Dr David Pole explains: "It quite often that referral figures have a sudden high blip after a major sporting event. People who were likely to suffer from depression find their brain chemistry affected after such excitement and end up mentally exhausted leading to the onset of depression. It has led to those of us in the second oldest profession, calling it post oly pic blues."

Not a particularly inspiring name given the severe symptoms it leaves patients in. Take Jenny form Stockport who's experienced a apocalyptic come down and is currently being treated in rehab. "Whilst the games were on I was lovin' it, jumping up and down in the living room, shouting out for team GB and waving my flag like everyone else". It would seem fairly normal behaviour repeated all up and down the country, but she goes on... "Since it all ended I've not been able to face going to work and life seems so pointless". When asked if she'd tried anything else before seeking medical help "I did try and go on a run, like Lord watisname had suggested we all do, but got about 50m from the house and thought it was pointless waste of effort. Even sugary soft drinks and a spending spree on my credit card for electronic consumer goods, domestic white goods, a new watch and some pharmaceuticals all ordered through my new non-Apple phone were unable to pick me up.".

Several international studies have shown that this is not an isolated case and is in fact the hidden legacy of the games that no one wants to admit. However The Spoof can reveal that secret talks have been held in London to bring in a new event similar to the Para lympits but for those suffering from mental illness as opposed to physical disabilities.

Currently dubbed the Mentalypics. It was hoped it could be announced before the end of the para limpics due to finish shortly, but the IOC[tm] are having difficulties establishing the specific categories of event. An unnamed IOC[tm] official who is part of the establishment team [no pun intended] illustrated the point "Take running as a simple example - do we just have one 100m running category for all types of mental illness, or do we break it up into people with depression, people with delusions, and people with head trauma? We felt it was probably important to separate people suffering from 'a lack of motivation' to those who 'feel that everyone else is trying to beat them' or the playing field would be unfair. But getting the balance right is difficult as there are so many varieties across the spectrum".

Unlike the other two events it is planned that the Mentalympics will be an open event with no preregistration required due to the lower number of candidates suffering with a mental illness when compared to those with permanent disabilities. It has the added benefit of meaning recently diagnosed patients, like Jenny above, will be able to take part - hopefully as part of their rehabilitation and integration back into mainstream, pointless, life. Meanwhile the negotiation goes on and once the categories are defined we can expect to see an announcement in the near future. Lets hope London can leave another lasting legacy.

[*1] Due to licensing issues (aka lack of funds) we were unable to obtain permission to use the offical holympic logo or name.

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