Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 21 August 2012

image for Manchester United Relegation Favourites After Everton Defeat
United's fortunes since the start of the season

After the inglorious way in which Manchester United threw away last year's Premier League title race to city rivals, Manchester City, the new season began no better for the Old Trafford club, as they were soundly beaten 1-0 by an unfancied Everton team at Goodison Park in the opening game of this campaign, leaving them in 16th spot, and looking like favourites for relegation.

Robin van Persie made his debut for United as a 67th-minute substitute, but it was Everton's Marouane Fellaini who stole the limelight, scoring the winner on 57 minutes.

Fellatio tormented United's makeshift defence all night, and there was rapturous applause at the final whistle - which marks the end of the match.

United are now in 16th position, hovering precariously over the relegation zone, and could face further embarrassment on Saturday when they host league leaders Fulham, who trounced Norwich 5-0 in their opening game.

Reds boss Sir Alex Ferguson trudged off the Goodisn Park pitch to jeering and howls of laughter from the Merseyside fans, and now has to try to pick his side up before the weekend.

Still, at least they're not Liverpool!

The final score again for those that missed it, or for those who just can't stop laughing about it:

EVERTON 1 MANCHESTER UNITED 0

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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